Thursday, April 11, 2013

Where is the Corpulent Queen????

So when you are struggling to lose weight, change the entire way you look at food, get a 7 year old and a husband on board with said food, helping husband set up a business, setting up your own business, helping your mom in the wake of losing your dad and just overall changing your entire life....throw something else on the fire.

I am proud to announce, that I am officially an EX-smoker! Yep, I took the plunge and got the nicotine monkey off my back. I didn't do Chantix or patches or anything like that. No, I went cold turkey with an emergency e-cig in the glove compartment of my car. Because I went cold turkey, my writing, language and overall demeanor has been less than, shall we say, cordial. Actually, I have wanted to kick puppies. I have not kicked any puppies, husbands or children in the process of quitting smoking.

I didn't really mean to quit smoking, it just sort of happened. If I haven't mentioned it before, I have a lot going on. It was a Sunday, and we live in the middle of nowhere, so everything closes at nightfall it seems. I only had about half a pack of cigs left so I decided I would go pick up a carton while my husband napped and my son was playing his Wii. I got in the car, cranked it, put on the seat belt and lit up a smoke, which I normally do when my son isn't in the car. Then as I got out on the road it just seemed like a chore to smoke that cigarette. I finally just put it out in the ashtray and continued to sing along with Aretha Franklin. Then I had the epiphany: I really didn't want to smoke anymore. I hadn't smoked in over two hours and took two drags off of my "I have 20 minutes to myself and can smoke in the car" cigarette (i.e. the best cigarette ever) and I didn't want to smoke it. To be honest, I didn't want to smoke for the past several days. I immediately panicked a little, thinking how adverse I was to smoking when I was pregnant (yeah, I know, I quit when I was pregnant why in the hell didn't I stay quit???? I asked myself that alot.). I did the math in my head really quickly and realized it was unlikely I was pregnant. I was still wrestling with the question if I wanted to smoke or not smoke when I pulled into the gas station. Now I know what you are thinking: What's the big deal right? Well, like I said, I live in the middle of nowhere and the store is not just around the corner, and if I decided at 10 pm I NEEDED a cigarette there was no getting one. I got out of my car, got a drink and walked around the store so long I think they thought I was going to rob the place. Finally I decided I would buy an electronic cigarette, which would stave off any unbearable cravings until morning.

My husband was awake when I got home and I announced I was quitting smoking. God bless him, Hubs is always supportive, even though I am sure he was thinking "Crap!" I am pretty proud of myself that I haven't really been that irritable (yes I have had a few moments) and I haven't eaten everything in the house. Although, I do know why some people gain weight when they quit smoking: you get your taste buds back and everything tastes REALLY good! This has resulted in a few extra helpings when I would normally stop, but it's getting manageable. I'm also getting my sense of smell back as well, which means I look a bit like a bloodhound by sniffing around my house looking for the source of this smell or that. I haven't really had any overwhelming craving except for day 5. Day 5 was rough and I was on the verge of bumming 1 cigarette from a neighbor to get over the hump and thought "I can suffer today, or I can keep feeding the craving and prolong the suffering". So, like ripping off a bandage, I suffered through it and got over it. There are certain times of the day I miss it more than others, and there is a big lifestyle adjustment to be made as I usually used a smoke break when I really needed a mental health break, needed to think something over for a minute, needed a brief break, or needed to get my anger/thoughts/frustration under control.

As of this writing, it has been three weeks and the cravings are GONE!!! I don't even think about it anymore. Next week is my birthday, and this has been a great gift I have given myself. I encourage anyone reading to take that plunge when you are ready. It's easier than you think!

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